Sometimes, when I'm alone, I look back on the years I've been in St Louis. I know that time flies, but I try to account for the specific years.
I've come to realize that I am often in a fog. By that, I mean that I am so focused on something that I really tune out from others and the Big Picture that I've mentioned earlier.
Often, the goals are activities, and many are noble such as the piano and especially athletics. I used to exercise like a banshee, man. I'm starting to really see that now.
Sometimes, the fog lifts, and I feel like I can see things for what they really are. It is in these times that one gets lonely.
Things were rather lonely tonight, but I chatted with 2 major, dear friends and I'm very grateful. The coming weeks might get stressful, and it is really great to be as blessed as I am with such a great group of friends.
I know that sometimes, in the fog, I may not have been there for them (and others) as much as I could have been.
I worry my life will ultimately turn out to be a Willie Nelson song. No one has really said it better (though Willie didn't write it).
ps. In case it isn't obvious, there are some big decisions ahead at CC HQ, and they are manifesting themselves in some top-shelf angst (if not very top-shelf writing), as predicted by my sister.